“I FEEL LIKE SHIT BUT AT LEAST I FEEL SOMETHING”

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490 Curls w/ 20 pound dumb bells

265 Shoulder raises/Chest presses w/ 10 pound dumb bells

850 Crunches

850 Leg lifts

300 Squats

425 Back flexes

1:00 hour of yoga over 2 days

Played around by extending my repetitions this week, nothing set in stone yet.  I was pissed off this week & pushed things to the maximum.

 

Learning on guitar “Trivium” the song “The Heart from your Hate”

 

Welcome back to the program!  You’re here so if you like what you see, might as well subscribe?  Either on Facebook or with your email in the bottom right corner, it’s really that easy & it’s free!  I know you want to tell your friends, go ahead! 

 

Sorry to start with.  I asked for more subscribers earlier this week and thanks for coming to read this.  Unfortunately this is not a typical happy post.  Bad week that got worse as it went on.  I let too many things influence my mood.  I’ve re-writen this 4 or 5 times but the same stuff comes out in different words.

 

I’m not a trend setter or influencer, I know that.  That’s really not something I’ve ever been.  I’m a 40 year old physically disabled white male.  About as bland as they come.  I keep my head down & try not to make any waves.  I’m home ALL of the time.  I eat healthy, I exercise 5 days a week, & I practice guitar.  I know I’ve inspired one person to change their life in a positive way, and that’s great!  It’s nice to know this has had a positive impact on someone’s life.

Am I ever going to be able to walk on my own?  I don’t think so, but that doesn’t mean I’m going to stop trying.  There are things I can’t do, that gets to me every once in a while.  I can’t help my friends do projects to their house, help them move, if I want to go somewhere I need someone to take me, etc.  I guess I just don’t like not being able to help with things.  I don’t want to be the one that needs help, but if I do, I’m not afraid to ask.

Yeah I know I have a VERY LONG list of things to do that I probably won’t accoplish in my life.  Other people are much further along than I am, yet many seem to think “Hey, he’s doing pretty good” and leave it at that.  I’m not content with myself personally.

I’ve learned that if you’re not trying to better yourself, you’ll likely get left behind.  So I’m trying to make up 4 ½ years I spent living in a hospital that set me back about 30 years or more, I KNOW I have a LOOOOOONG way to go & I feel like Kim & I are being left behind because of me.  The likelyhood of me being nothing more than a statistic becomes more apparent with each passing day.

I watch my local Regina, Saskatchewan news, Canadian national news,  Stephen Colbert, Jimmy Kimmel, & Ellen Degeneres.  On all of them, not nearly as much on Ellen, the majority of the show is about how messed up everything is.  Even on my local news I hear stories such as; this virus is getting worse, too many people aren’t following the social distancing rules because it’s summer & staying home doing nothing is too hard, the murder of George Floyd, Donald Trump enabled this evil & fumbled up this situation, murder hornets, a tornado by my wife’s hometown, a police officer shot an unarmed black man in Atlanta on the weekend after the man was searched and no weapons were found, & climate change denyers.  Did I miss anything?  Oh yeah there was a news story a while ago confirming that UFOs are real, nobody did anything about mass shootings, that topic was just glazed over when the next problem occurred, homelessness, & 3rd World countries, lets keep doing nothing so we can deal with 30 problems at once?  After all of that garbage & the STRONG possibility that Donald Trump will start a war, I stayed in bed on Wednesday & Thursday until 10:00 am, wide awake, tossing & turning & crying.  Today wasn’t any better.

I don’t hate America one bit so don’t get me wrong as I say this please? 

After some research & general knowledge, Canada is WAY different than America.  America has money, power, & Donald Trump.  If I have to pay more, live in a country with weaker influence, live in a colder climate, have health care, not have the same history of racism to NOT live under the “Law & Order” of Donald Trump, I’ll take that any day of the week.  Does Canada have racism among other problems?  YES, but nothing like what’s going on south of the border.  I’ve never read, been taught, or have seen anything like the mess America is dealing with in Canada.

If America is named the “Greatest Country in the World”, the rest of us are waiting & listening, but not much coming out of America is very useful?  I don’t watch Jimmy Kimmel or Stephen Colbert for news that sucks that I’ve already seen.  I watch them to be entertained & maybe have a laugh or 2.  More than ever the wind from America is blowing north to Canada.

I go on social media & people comment about their displeasure with the current American administration.  I state that I’m Canadian, don’t know what it’s like to live there but agree with the statement.  That same random individual will immediately respond telling me to SHUT THE FRONT DOOR or call me a name.  Now people in the USA want Canada’s help??????????????????  WTF??????

I don’t hate America or the people that live there.  I do think that as a country it is HIGHLY over rated though.  Greatness isn’t just rated on wealth & strength.

I watch videos like that & think to myself immediately that “I need to practice WAY  more”!  I already know that he’s WAY ahead of me on guitar.

This is what I do when I change strings of my guitars, always.  You’ve got to take care of them.  I never wipe my strings off until I play them, I always clean the back of the guitar neck when restringing it & most times that I play a guitar.

I’ll be getting rid of a few things for cash that we could use.  My mountain bike that hasn’t been touched since my brother used it for the summer of 2008.  It’s only been used in the city.  Similar to this…

https://www.trekbikes.com/ca/en_CA/bikes/mountain-bikes/cross-country-mountain-bikes/marlin/marlin-5/p/33136/?colorCode=orange_grey

3 guitar effect pedals that I don’t use.  I don’t play live/loudly anymore, so I don’t need them.  Hopefully I can get $50 for each of them since they were $120-$180 new, when I had no other expenses.

After selling/trading that stuff in, I’m pretty sure the guitar & amplifier aren’t going to happen.  I feel like I tried to hard & people are dumbfouded that I want something nice?  I guess I can’t have nice things?  OK, I’ll stay in my lane, I’ll play my role.  Researching & getting excited about the guitar & amplifier was a waste of my time!  I’d rather not have nice material things I enjoy, a $2200 guitar & a $329 amplifier, than be the source of hate for other people.

I don’t have money or influential power, I’m physically disabled.  I’ll help the world by pointing out it’s MANY problems.  Justin Trudeau will throw money at them & Donald Trump will tell everyone lies about how perfect everything is.  I’ll keep an inventory of what issues need to be dealt with & what the new ones coming in are.  Everyone else, wake up the Federal leaders that were elected to do this sort of job.  Wake them up peacefully or they might hide in a bunker & lie about it!

Maybe if I didn’t care so much, I wouldn’t be so INCREDIBLY disappointed?  The news really bummed me out this week.

Sorry to disappoint anyone but there’s also no video of me playing guitar on the Facebook site for this blog.  I did one on Monday & didn’t post it because it was terrible.  I have played hundreds of times before cancer, but not really since.  I’m an idiot!  I’ll post some photos & a video of my ordered guitar when it gets here.  I don’t need a perfectionist to dissect my mediocre guitar playing on social media.  That’s not fun for me.  Maybe on my personal page sometime?  For now I’ll post a video that I watch more often than I should because it’s VERY well done & it makes me smile!

 

YAY new “Lamb of God” day!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

“I feel good about the good things, & bad about the bad things”-David Grohl 

We’re all Global Citizens,

Chris

“Listen to each other” –Ellen Degeneres