IT’S 11:30 PM ON SUNDAY DECEMBER 15TH

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Do you have a question about stage 4 brain cancer?  Ask if you do!

I should have called this site “the ramblings of a brain cancer survivor”, probably would have cleared things up for everyone.  I’m writing this & I’m not even sure that I’ll post it.  I think I’ve turned into a person that can’t live without stress?

I’ll turn 40 on January 30th, so it’s not that far away, that’s not what bothers/worries me at all.  I don’t know if it’s the few sugary Christmas sweets I’ve had, the slight increase in alcohol over the weekend or the fact our house is still for sale?  Whatever it is, I feel about ready to vomit.  I’m guessing it’s the house.

We’ve had 2 recent viewings.  One on Thursday & another this afternoon.  We’re not expecting to hear anything until Monday or Tuesday.  Every time that someone sees the house my stomach just starts to twist & turn the minute I hear about it.  I start to think “I need to do this, this, this, that, this, etc.”  Then we make ourselves busy for the next 45 minutes & return after the viewing so I can start thinking again “Did we do this, this, this, that, that, etc.”  This could easily explain why I’m awake still & can’t fall asleep, yeah I’m on medication to slow my thoughts down in order to sleep at night.  It’s a bitch when I forget to take them on the very rare occasion.

It’s a newish condo, in really good condition.  We’re the original owners & I have a couple of ideas as to why it’s not selling, but I’m also not a realtor.  I’m guessing the biggest reason is there are roughly 1,000 brand new condos in Regina (a small city).  This isn’t “Field of Dreams”, “If you build it, they will come” it’s Regina.

Whatever happened to the theory of “supply & demand”?  We have too much supply & no demand.  Condos are built, nobodies coming.  I’ve never even taken simple economics?!?!

Our selling contract is up at the end of the month & at this point if it’s renewed or not, I couldn’t care less.  We’re going to the bank Monday, December 16th to renew our mortgage either way.  We’ve been on the market since late fall, & no offer despite the viewings we’ve had.  Every time we have a viewing, I worry myself sick.

I just checked online today that even if we sell the outlook of us finding a wheelchair accessible place has become INCREDIBLY slim, & they weren’t great before that.  I wish I was the type of person that didn’t worry about stuff so much.  I just want to throw up!  I was tired before & now I have a headache.  Stress &/or anxiety have become my middle name over the past 8 ½ years or so.  “Will I get cancer again?  What will happen if I do?  How will it all affect Kim and everyone else?  Did I do my exercises properly?  Did I practice this?  What should I work on tomorrow?  How long will this recovery thing take?  Will our place sell?  If it does where are we going to live?  Why isn’t there anything in our price range? Etc.”  I worry WAY too much!

Take your average holiday stress, add being stressed more often than not, and then add trying to sell your house with stuff piled up against that happening.  Once you do that, then you might be close to where I am?

Oh ya, I got a letter for another cancer check up with the doctor that calls me FAT.  I know what my response will be this time though “Thanks for noticing, do I have cancer?” “No?  Thanks, we’ll see you next time after I lose more weight, look like a skeleton & your body shaming me…….again.”

Great that I’ll have that appointment a week & a ½ after our 15th wedding anniversary!

I can deal with the wheelchair & eye patch thing.  After being given a 5-15% chance of coming out of a coma in 2008, when do these “routine checkups” stop, when do I get to live?  Am I going to be spinning my wheels forever?  Sure feels that way!

There’s a good chance that someone will give me crap for this, believe it or not.  That seems to be the normal reaction 75% of the time to anything I say or do, so I’m used to it now.

 

SORRY ABOUT THE LAME POST.  I TOLD YOU I’D BE BRUTALLY HONEST.

 

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“I feel good about the good things, & bad about the bad things”-David Grohl

We’re all Global Citizens,

Chris

“Be kind to one another”-Ellen Degeneres