HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!

Bring it on 2020, out with the old & in with the new!  I’ve slimmed down & this year I plan to put on muscle while doing more walking & stairs.  I’ve decided this year will be a game changer.  Will I be walking?  Not sure?

I’ve already made some changes to my exercises, which I’ll explain in the next week.  As for this site, it’s going to change as well.  2 posts a week, every Tuesday & Friday starting Friday, January 10th.  Life is getting busier so the blogging time will be shortened after the next 2 posts.

Big year ahead!  I’ll turn 40, our 15 year wedding anniversary is this year, mid life crisis guitar to be ordered in the summer & many goals set out for myself.  Realistic goals, not big dreams.

With all of that being said, I’ve already made most changes to my exercise.  No need to wait for the New Year.  I changed things last week when I thought about how to improve my exercise.  No I’m not adding to the repetition amounts.  I plan to work smarter by making things harder.

As for those that want to tell me I can’t or shouldn’t do things to better myself.  Save your breath, I’m not listening.  I’ll figure it out for myself, I’ll be 40 not 4 in January.

HAPPY NEW YEAR,

Chris

WEDNESDAY DECEMBER 18, 2019 (HOLIDAY UPDATE)

No such thing as a stupid question!  Feel free to ask me on Facebook or the website!

www.youtube.com links are there for a point of reference if you don’t know what I’m talking about.

Facebook subscription https://www.facebook.com/A-Million-Miles-Away-Blog-1597618270456002/

Email subscription www.amillionmilesawayblog.com

Do you have a question about stage 4 brain cancer?  Ask if you do!

I had no intension of taking a break, exercise wise, over the holidays.  I changed my mind after the week off in November.  My sleeping pattern does not like all of this stress.  So I was awake half of the night Sunday, slept in Monday, felt lazy & tired ended up doing nothing.  Went to bed at 9:30 pm Monday night.  Got up to pee at 2:40 am, couldn’t fall asleep.  Got out of bed @ 3:20 am and did some stuff in the kitchen quietly.  Felt really tired around 8:30 am, crawled in bed.  Showered, had lunch & it was 2:30 pm.

All of this is not good for me.  My mind hasn’t known how to relax in the last 3 years or so, & it’s getting worse.  When I was in my rehabilitation program I was severely depressed & was put on an anti-depressant/sleeping pill to combat the negative thoughts in my head so I could sleep.  I’m not having negative thoughts now, I just feel like I have so much to do, but my body doesn’t want to keep up.  With the house being listed, its holiday season, & I put stress on myself to get as much done in a day as possible, I’m tired, a bit grumpier than usual & generally feel like I’m just wasting days by not exercising.

I hate having our house listed.  I’m physically handicapped with no driver’s license but when someone wants to see our place, Brewster & I have to disappear for the 30-45 minutes someone’s here.  Much easier said than done.  My parents are in town until they go on a trip about a week in to the New Year.  Then Kim will have to get us out of here.  With her being on contract, she doesn’t like to take time off since she doesn’t get paid if she’s not at work.  With all of that going on I’m more stressed than ever.  I’m not depressed or crying (like I was in my Rehab program), however I do feel anxious all of the time.

I guess we can add the fact that my brother has another surgery coming up shortly after Christmas.  The first one wasn’t enough.  I worry about him too.  He had back surgery for bone spurs on his shoulders that were causing his arms & hands to go numb at random times, 5 months of disability & some of that doing physiotherapy.  He went back to work for 2 weeks of shortened shifts & he’ll be heading to Saskatoon for a 2nd surgery, this time through the front of his body, because the numbing sensation came back.  Between my dad, mom, brother, & I, we’ve all had some type of surgery.  My parents have both had eye surgeries, mom’s had one knee replaced & soon another, my brother is dealing with his back surgeries, & I’ve had 3 brain surgeries.

As for the house being on the market, at this point I’ve lost all hope of the stars aligning for us to sell & find a new (wheelchair accessible) place in Regina in our price range.  They’re completely gone at the moment.  Our contract is up on December 31st.  I told Kim “Do what you want.  I’m out, I’m not looking.  If I need to disappear, that’s not my problem.  I figure we could be here for 5 more years, & I just don’t care.  We have nowhere to move to.  The entire reason we put this place up for sale was for a forever home that sold 3 weeks after we hit the market.  The contract at that time was to remove our place from the market if our dream house sold, & it did.  I’m out.  I’m not going to stop you or our realtor from looking, I’ll willingly see a house you find, but I’m not searching for something that is likely not there at the moment.  I’ll start house hunting online again in March”.  We’ve lowered the price once & that’s as low as its going.

As of today it is 6 years to the day that we moved into this condo.  Nothing wrong with this place, we’re just much younger than the average resident here.  My parents are young & I’m guessing they’re younger than the average person here?  I’d like to move, but I don’t see things working out for us in the near future.

We signed our mortgage papers at the bank on Monday, my name is on it but Kim handles the money here.  I saw what our mortgage payment is each month, & I’m thinking that guitar I was going to order is better off at the factory.  Kim disagrees still?  I don’t know what I was thinking to begin with now.  I cancelled my football tickets for next year, which is what I’d prefer to happen in for many different reasons, then wanted to buy a really nice/moderately expensive guitar?  The guitar’s still up for discussion despite me having a decent portion of the money already.

Everyone’s Christmas gifts have been purchased & are wrapped under the tree.  That stress is over.  What’s bugging me now is that I have possibly 30 years of exercise to cram in ASAP.  Even then I’ll likely be using a walker.  I’m disappointing myself.  Especially if I’m sitting around, doing nothing but thinking of what I need to do.

As for eating & drinking over the holidays, not much has changed in that department.  We drink store bought non-alcoholic light egg nog.  I occasionally put it in the few coffees I have a week & I’ve had 2 glasses of ½ egg nog, ½ skim milk, with a shot of Kahlua.  After the 8(?) Holiday sweets I’ve had so far, I’ve determined they just make me feel sick & I don’t need them.  So I’m basically still drinking a minimum of 3 liters of water a day, 2 eggs a piece of fruit & homemade vegetable juice for breakfast, lettuce wraps w/Turkey deli meat for lunch & a small meal at supper.  I also have 3 small snacks a day.

In the spirit of trying to help people out I’m helping a couple people learn guitar with me.  I know what to do, just have to get my left hand used to it again.  No I’ve never charged anyone.  I was ‘teaching’ two friends before cancer, so I figured I’d help a couple people out again.  I don’t charge anyone because A) They’re friends/family   B) I’m just a singer that learned guitar to be more comfortable on stage, my knowledge is very limited.  I’m happy to say that I can tell that there’s progress every day.

I was always a rhythm guitarist, but I’ve been doing mostly individual finger exercises & different scale patterns on the guitar to strengthen my hand.  It helped!  Things are getting much better!  Figured out the main guitar riff for this, wasn’t able to play it before cancer, I probably didn’t try enough.

Right hand rhythm works fine, left hand fretting needs some work, but it’s getting there!  More guitar practice as things are becoming more familiar with it.  Practice on the acoustic then play it on the electric.

One good night of sleep & today I got up on time, had a good workout and was able to manage my time better!  I plan to keep exercising next week, it will likely be a day or 3 of shortened exercise, 25th & 26th anyways.

 

What have I been listening to?  Pretty much anything but Christmas/Holiday music.  Still just not ready for it?

 

If you’re getting this through Facebook, give it a like or other reaction, or share it.  That’s the only way of promoting this site, since I’m not profiting from this in any way.

“I feel good about the good things, & bad about the bad things”-David Grohl

We’re all Global Citizens,

Chris

“Be kind to one another”-Ellen Degeneres

IT’S 11:30 PM ON SUNDAY DECEMBER 15TH

No such thing as a stupid question!  Feel free to ask me on Facebook or the website!

www.youtube.com links are there for a point of reference if you don’t know what I’m talking about.

Facebook subscription https://www.facebook.com/A-Million-Miles-Away-Blog-1597618270456002/

Email subscription www.amillionmilesawayblog.com

Do you have a question about stage 4 brain cancer?  Ask if you do!

I should have called this site “the ramblings of a brain cancer survivor”, probably would have cleared things up for everyone.  I’m writing this & I’m not even sure that I’ll post it.  I think I’ve turned into a person that can’t live without stress?

I’ll turn 40 on January 30th, so it’s not that far away, that’s not what bothers/worries me at all.  I don’t know if it’s the few sugary Christmas sweets I’ve had, the slight increase in alcohol over the weekend or the fact our house is still for sale?  Whatever it is, I feel about ready to vomit.  I’m guessing it’s the house.

We’ve had 2 recent viewings.  One on Thursday & another this afternoon.  We’re not expecting to hear anything until Monday or Tuesday.  Every time that someone sees the house my stomach just starts to twist & turn the minute I hear about it.  I start to think “I need to do this, this, this, that, this, etc.”  Then we make ourselves busy for the next 45 minutes & return after the viewing so I can start thinking again “Did we do this, this, this, that, that, etc.”  This could easily explain why I’m awake still & can’t fall asleep, yeah I’m on medication to slow my thoughts down in order to sleep at night.  It’s a bitch when I forget to take them on the very rare occasion.

It’s a newish condo, in really good condition.  We’re the original owners & I have a couple of ideas as to why it’s not selling, but I’m also not a realtor.  I’m guessing the biggest reason is there are roughly 1,000 brand new condos in Regina (a small city).  This isn’t “Field of Dreams”, “If you build it, they will come” it’s Regina.

Whatever happened to the theory of “supply & demand”?  We have too much supply & no demand.  Condos are built, nobodies coming.  I’ve never even taken simple economics?!?!

Our selling contract is up at the end of the month & at this point if it’s renewed or not, I couldn’t care less.  We’re going to the bank Monday, December 16th to renew our mortgage either way.  We’ve been on the market since late fall, & no offer despite the viewings we’ve had.  Every time we have a viewing, I worry myself sick.

I just checked online today that even if we sell the outlook of us finding a wheelchair accessible place has become INCREDIBLY slim, & they weren’t great before that.  I wish I was the type of person that didn’t worry about stuff so much.  I just want to throw up!  I was tired before & now I have a headache.  Stress &/or anxiety have become my middle name over the past 8 ½ years or so.  “Will I get cancer again?  What will happen if I do?  How will it all affect Kim and everyone else?  Did I do my exercises properly?  Did I practice this?  What should I work on tomorrow?  How long will this recovery thing take?  Will our place sell?  If it does where are we going to live?  Why isn’t there anything in our price range? Etc.”  I worry WAY too much!

Take your average holiday stress, add being stressed more often than not, and then add trying to sell your house with stuff piled up against that happening.  Once you do that, then you might be close to where I am?

Oh ya, I got a letter for another cancer check up with the doctor that calls me FAT.  I know what my response will be this time though “Thanks for noticing, do I have cancer?” “No?  Thanks, we’ll see you next time after I lose more weight, look like a skeleton & your body shaming me…….again.”

Great that I’ll have that appointment a week & a ½ after our 15th wedding anniversary!

I can deal with the wheelchair & eye patch thing.  After being given a 5-15% chance of coming out of a coma in 2008, when do these “routine checkups” stop, when do I get to live?  Am I going to be spinning my wheels forever?  Sure feels that way!

There’s a good chance that someone will give me crap for this, believe it or not.  That seems to be the normal reaction 75% of the time to anything I say or do, so I’m used to it now.

 

SORRY ABOUT THE LAME POST.  I TOLD YOU I’D BE BRUTALLY HONEST.

 

If you’re getting this through Facebook, give it a like or other reaction, or share it.  That’s the only way of promoting this site, since I’m not profiting from this in any way.

“I feel good about the good things, & bad about the bad things”-David Grohl

We’re all Global Citizens,

Chris

“Be kind to one another”-Ellen Degeneres

MERRY CHRISTMAS, HAPPY HOLIDAYS, & ENJOY SOME TIME AWAY FROM WORK

No such thing as a stupid question!  Feel free to ask me on Facebook or the website!

www.youtube.com links are there for a point of reference if you don’t know what I’m talking about.

Facebook subscription https://www.facebook.com/A-Million-Miles-Away-Blog-1597618270456002/

Email subscription www.amillionmilesawayblog.com

Do you have a question about stage 4 brain cancer?  Ask if you do!

Let’s face it most people have lost sight of what Christmas is about, including me.  I’m a Christian so I can only speak about Christianity & Christian event, such as Christmas.  Right there I’ll admit I’m ignorant/uninformed regarding other Religions & none religious people.  What I’m about to say will could get me into trouble with others, but hear me out please.  We’re all atheists.  Why would I say that as a Christian who believes in God?  How many religions are there in the universe?  I don’t know.  Ricky Gervais (an atheist) explained it to Stephen Colbert (a Catholic).  This explains a portion of what I mean.

So, with that being explained & feel free to argue either side of it.  Why do people exchange gifts at Christmas?  Initially it was to celebrate the birth of Jesus, then it was Jesus’ birthday.  Now that all of us have lost sight of that, people just assume it’s what you do.  Spend money on others.  Some gifts have already been purchased this season.  These are my thoughts for the future.

I know this won’t reach everyone.  How about next Christmas we all save our money, spend it on ourselves or save it for whatever reason & just show up for others.  Maybe there’s a person or group you haven’t spoken with recently that you’d like to spend time with?  Show up, be where you’re needed or would like to be.  It won’t cost you anything more than possibly travel expenses.  You won’t lose anything, just contact whoever however & ask if you can meet with them.  It’s not religious, anyone can meet with someone at any time.  As a society we’ve already lost sight of the ceremonial Christmas act, & whatever spirit (Life in general included) flows through everyone, just show up & be there with someone.  If you want to bring a gift great!  If you don’t that’s OK too, you’re there!  Your presence should be a gift in itself.  You shouldn’t have to expect a gift on any occasion.

There are very kind people out there who will help when needed.  Some may not be able to help other than just being there for someone even at those times life can get busy.

I would have liked to be elsewhere for other people today, mourning the death of a family member.  I couldn’t be there.  I can’t drive legally and things came up for the people I was going with?  Sure I was disappointed at first, then I realized there’s nothing I could have done to change this scenario.

My psychiatrist had an appointment with me on Monday, I received a phone call just before I started writing this, and my appointment had to be rescheduled to February 10th.  Knee jerk reaction from me off of the phone “What was the point of making the appointment in the first place?”  I don’t know the details of the rescheduling maybe a personal matter came up.  The next available date was December 24th, that didn’t work with my schedule.  February 10th was the next available time & it works.

What am I trying to get at?  A person does not need to understand every minor detail that effects them.  They have to acknowledge that not everything works for everyone.

As an example; many people, including myself, don’t fully understand the #LGBTQ community.  I understand most of it as a straight person.  The thing is, you don’t have to understand it.  You have to acknowledge it.  Not everyone is the same as the next.  The part of that which I don’t understand I can acknowledge that others fell that way & it doesn’t affect me personally in any way.

Am I happy?  Mostly, I could do without the cancer portion but I acknowledge that it happened & my cancer could affect others.  That happened, I can’t change that or many other things.  Can I change other people or their views & opinions?  Maybe?  Do I need to?  Some, but only if they want to change.  I can change me and help others who want to change.  If someone is happy with how they are, there’s not much anyone can do for them other than acknowledge & be OK with the situation at hand.

Holiday tip!  If you can’t do any of this, drink alcohol if you’re of age.  You can be a quiet drunk or a loud belligerent drunk & blame it on the alcohol!

 

If you’re getting this through Facebook, give it a like or other reaction, or share it.  That’s the only way of promoting this site, since I’m not profiting from this in any way.

“I feel good about the good things, & bad about the bad things”-David Grohl

We’re all Global Citizens,

Chris

“Be kind to one another”-Ellen Degeneres