We tried to call my doctor this morning but he’s off on Fridays.  Hopefully I can see him ASAP.  I want to get started on fixing my brain with the help of a therapist or psychologist right away.  I don’t want to hurt anyone physically or emotionally EVER.  I wasn’t that person before I was diagnosed.

How on earth did I not think of other people while bashing them privately!  I want to start this treatment immediately.  I know it wont happen as soon as I’d like.  Everything you’ve ever read on here is true.  Even when I talk tough, I’ll at least try to back up what I say.

For now I just want to get better mentally.  After posting the blog last night, which was much more difficult than I thought.  I just held Kim & sobbed uncontrollably, much like I am right now.

I feel like a monster.  I’m not angry or mad most of the time, but it is getting ridiculously bad.  I can’t control it by myself anymore.  I keep my dark feelings in, at least I try to & then I just explode.

I can think of 14 people that I’ve hurt with nasty emails out of nowhere.  I never even thought about how any of this would effect those people or Kim’s relationship with them.  I’ve at least tried & usually keep it in.

Thursday it just became impossible to do on my own.

I might drop the music stuff for a while since I’ll likely be talking more about my mental health.  If a blog isn’t posted on time, please don’t worry, it will be there, just a day or two late.


Thanks, this journey isn’t over yet I guess,


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