We tried to call my doctor this morning but he’s off on Fridays. Hopefully I can see him ASAP. I want to get started on fixing my brain with the help of a therapist or psychologist right away. I don’t want to hurt anyone physically or emotionally EVER. I wasn’t that person before I was diagnosed.
How on earth did I not think of other people while bashing them privately! I want to start this treatment immediately. I know it wont happen as soon as I’d like. Everything you’ve ever read on here is true. Even when I talk tough, I’ll at least try to back up what I say.
For now I just want to get better mentally. After posting the blog last night, which was much more difficult than I thought. I just held Kim & sobbed uncontrollably, much like I am right now.
I feel like a monster. I’m not angry or mad most of the time, but it is getting ridiculously bad. I can’t control it by myself anymore. I keep my dark feelings in, at least I try to & then I just explode.
I can think of 14 people that I’ve hurt with nasty emails out of nowhere. I never even thought about how any of this would effect those people or Kim’s relationship with them. I’ve at least tried & usually keep it in.
Thursday it just became impossible to do on my own.
I might drop the music stuff for a while since I’ll likely be talking more about my mental health. If a blog isn’t posted on time, please don’t worry, it will be there, just a day or two late.
Thanks, this journey isn’t over yet I guess,