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3 day exercise total; 200 pushups, 400 leg lifts, 300 crunches, 100 tricep lifts, 300 squats, 200 back flexes. I had every intention of walking Thursday & Friday. There were far more important things I need to deal with ASAP.
This is where things get ugly. I’ve had manic depression for years. I was called “Gay” or “Fairy” since I could ride my bicycle to elementary school if I was gay my life would be different than it is now in that Kim wouldn’t be married to me. Two older kids from another school would hunt me down & verbally abuse me, I was NEVER physically abused by anyone. This continued throughout high school. I never told ANYONE. Until just a few years ago, not even my parents. This is not a sob story. Thursday was the worst day I’ve had mentally more than ever. In university my parents said I should talk to someone. I did…..once. I don’t know why or how cancer made my depression rear it’s ugly head again this week (I assume that’s what triggered it).
I’d never hurt Kim or disappoint her. She’s my rock & the love of my life. I’m very fortunate to have her in my life. My depression affects many other people. I keep my feelings in, & after so long they just explode. I haven’t viciously attacked anyone through email since the first link to this blog that was also incredibly rude. Thursday it happened again though & completely unprovoked. I’ve realized that I need to get my act together & speak with a psychologist. If I don’t, I can see a very small amount of people that would want to call me a friend. I’m on anti-depressants & anti-psychotics, but that’s not really helping the issue, it’s masking it from others on some level.
I drink a small amount of alcohol on Friday & Saturday evenings. I don’t smoke or use drugs, nor do I want to. Eventually I’d prefer to be alcohol free. I know I can do that without question. I didn’t have any alcohol while going through my year in the hospital & very little near the end of my rehabilitation program. I don’t want to talk about my mental issues, I need to. Kim said she’d come with me. I don’t want to be an irrational jerk to others, no one deserves that. I told you I wouldn’t lie to you so there’s the ugly part. I may be physically stronger but I’m mentally weak & sick of this feeling sneaking up on me.
I’m incredibly sorry to everybody I’ve hurt with my words. Please don’t be alarmed or worried about me, think more about the people I’ve randomly blown up on. They are the victims, not me. I’m not suicidal at all, I’m just not me.
This is new territory for me & it took me far too long to realize it. I NEED PROFESSIONAL HELP, & I intend to get help ASAP. I’ll ask my doctor for a referral Friday morning if he’s available. I don’t know if my health care covers the cost, & it doesn’t matter.
When Kim helps me with walking, I don’t listen to music. It’s a distraction for me. I have to stay concentrated on the task at hand. Make sure my stride/steps aren’t too big, bend my knees, make sure my heel touches the ground first, control my walker/don’t let it get too far ahead of me, stand up straight, etc. If Kim hasn’t seen me do anything wrong, I ask her if there is something I need to improve. At the moment she says that all I need to do is build up my stamina. I know what I need to focus on but I need an “outsiders” opinion in case I’m missing something.
Great book, OK movie. I read the book in high school.
I read incredibly slow now. Because of my iPatch & my glasses. I had glasses before, in 1993, they were more for driving/distance because I couldn’t read the chalk board very well. When I took the glasses off, things were much easier to read. I could take these glasses off and read something in large print on a kindle though.
Before it would be 2 or 3 days later and someone would ask “How’s the book?” “It was GREAT, I’m done reading it would you like it now?” Now it’s “I’m on page 4. I’ll tell you in a month or two.”
The books in “The DaVinci Code” series are WAY better than the movies. The movies are also out of order.
I often forget how much I like this album. This is their 3rd video from this album!
I don’t consider The Struts a glam rock band. For me The Struts are similar to Queen, but less experimental/operatic. In the end they’re just FANTASTIC!
I plan on buying these 2 albums from iTunes this year. Neither of them are really my usual taste in music. I do keep listening to them on our Apple Music account.
I own & listen to 3 of their albums. Yes they’re English & I believe they live there currently as well. The singer, Chris Martin, was dating or married to Gwyneth Paltrow & they had a baby quite a while ago named Apple. They’re a fairly mellow band, but really good at what they do. They’re actually one of all of the Foo Fighters member’s favourite bands. You wanna talk Coldplay, ask the Foo Fighters what they think. They came around to fill a void I had for “Radiohead” after Radiohead’s first 3 albums. They sound nothing like Radiohead though.
They have 7 full length studio albums, an EP, & a Christmas album. Here are 2 songs from each of the 3 albums I really enjoy…
2000 PARACHUTES (THEIR DEBUT ALBUM)
2002 A RUSH OF BLOOD TO THE HEAD
Here comes that piano line that will stick in your head forever! You’re Welcome!!!!!
2015 A HEAD FULL OF DREAMS
The more you share this, the more readers I get. No, I’m not profiting from this in any way. I can’t tell who’s reading this but thank you!
Why did this become a music blog? “Because music is a BIG @#!$%^*&( DEAL”-Dave Grohl
“I feel good about the good things, & bad about the bad things”-Dave Grohl
“Learn from your mistakes & don’t repeat them”-Chris
Stay safe out there,
“Be kind to one another”-Ellen Degeneres